I just read the last page of one of the most incredible books I've ever read. Dr. Tim Kimmel's Grace Based Parenting is a must read for every follower of Christ. Whether you are a parent, grandparent, or none of the above, this is not just a book on parenting, it is an insightful teaching on grace. As I read it over the last few weeks, I found things I wanted to quote here in this blog. There is no way I can do that. There are too many good things. the best thing I can do is whole heartedly recomend you get a copy and read it cover to cover.
In a nutshell, Kimmel helps us deal with our own sinful nature and our own need for grace as a prerequisite for dealing with our children and others we have relationships with. He teaches us how to respond rather than react to our own faults and failures and those of our children and others.
Much of what I wrote in my last blog was influenced by reading this book.
I wish this book had been published 20 years ago before Micah was born. However, it's never too late. This book was an assignment for one of my counseling classes. It has changed the way I look at my kids and hopefully the way I deal with them. It will also shape the way I deal with kids and families in the future in therapy.
Grace Based Parenting
Dr. Tim Kimmel
2004, Thomas Nelson Publishing
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The Bar
No not the lawyer test, or the whiskey place. Especially not the salad thing.
I've been thinking quite a bit about the phrase used often in business, academics, sports, music, politics, etc. "Raising the bar." This is a cliche' used figuritively to represent the fact that someone has reached a level in one of the above mentioned catagories not reached before. "She really raised the bar with her sales this month." It implies that those coming after will have to at least reach that level, if not move it higher. I've used the phrase myself after watching certain incredible feats.
Lately I've seen this phrase come into the church. This is a troubling concept to me. I guess in many ways the concept has been there for as long as I can remember. We've used the descriptors, "Great man of faith," "Incredible woman of God," "Mighty Man of God," to describe individuals we see as having a achieved some "status" in their journey. These have been very acceptable titles to those of us in the faith community. They sound righteous, and noble. They imply a level of spirituallity only a few chosen people can or have reached.
Lulled by these "titles", I guess it took actually hearing the words "raise the bar", in the context of a friends christian walk to get my attention. A great deal of my thinking has been captured by the fact that this concept has creeped into the church to the point that we now embrace it even in its rawest and most blatant terms.
I'm not one of those guys who says we can have nothing in Christianity that resembles "the world". I also admit to being a very competitive individual. I hate to lose. My grandfather taught us, a good loser is just that, a loser. Infact he was famous for changing the rules in the middle of a game if he was losing. We affectionately called these the "D.G. Council rules." However, it seems to me that Jesus himself, and several of the New Testament writers had a different concept altogether.
For centuries "the bar" had been the law, given by God, handed down by Moses, reinvented, added to, reworked, and harshly enforced by the Pharisees. Jesus, the juxtaposition to the Pharisees, came to deal with "the bar" once and for all (Heb. 7:27, 9:12). He did so by placing it so high no one can reach it on their own. (Eph. 2)
It is interesting to me that rather than boasting in their own spirituallity, or bragging on one another, the authors of the New Testament not only down played their lives, but were almost insulting. Paul called his own righteousness dung in one place and filthy rags in another.
In I Corinthians 1, he reminded the leaders that they were not wise, mighty or noble, but foolish, weak, and despised. He went on to explain that God chose them to show His greatness, His power, His grace, not ours.
It is a scary thing when we challenge one another to look to another person and attempt to live according to their standards. Peter tried that with Jesus. He said, "What about John?" Jesus' reply was classic, "What about him? It's none of your business." Paul said, no man could judge him, only God. It scares me when young believers are challenged by well meaning older believers to "strive to be like so and so", or live up to the standards others have set. We are only setting them up for failure. Jesus put the bar in a place we could not reach it so that we would have to rely on His grace.
God deals with us as individuals with individual journeys, individual calls, individual pasts, presents, and futures. He does not rank us against one another. He only looks for the presence of the covering of grace of His son. He does not look on the pastor of a mega church and rank him over the bivocational pastor of a small rural church. God does not rank the person who has followed him for 80 years over the one who has followed him a week. We are all special to him as individuals.
Following Christ is not a competition. It's not a race to be first, best, highest, most favored, most righteous, most church attendance, most accomplished, most read, most followed, most listened to, most anything. It's not a golf score to have the lowest total sins, lowest wrong choices, fewest unsaved friends, fewest years of unbelief. History (including current history) is littered with men and women who "achieved greatness in the Kingdom," but fell hard because they saw the Kingdom through the eyes of a competitor.
Following Christ is just that. Following. Following is accepting. Accepting His grace in our lives and the lives of others as sufficient. Accepting his call as adequate. Accepting his work as complete. It's not about achieving, it's about accepting.
Last week Alisa was in Texas at a Cowboy Church. 80% of the people are not just from unchurched backgrounds, but plain ole heathen backgrounds. However, they've found and accepted the grace of God for themselves and their fellow followers. One man during a testimony time seemed to wrap up the gospel in a 3 point nutshell. He was an old leathered cowboy, who still had whiskey on his breath. He stood before the congregation on a make shift plywood floor under a big tent next to a roping arena. Tears filled his eyes as he said, "The first time I came here the pastor told me God loved me. The second time I came here the pastor told me I could belong, The third time I came, the pastor told me to get my my head out of my ____ you dumb ___ __ ____ __ _____." The pastor explained, that was the Cowboy's interpretation of what had been said, not an exact quote. You can imagine the reaction of some of the "competitors" in the crowd.
I think it may be one of the most incredible testimonies I've ever heard.
If I were to use this as my outline, It would sound something like this. God loves you so much, he allowed his son to take the punishment you deserve for the way you live (past, present and future). He loved you so much that he wanted you to belong to him and his group of followers who will love and support you on your journey. Now it's up to you to recognize that it's a very simple thing to accept his grace for your life. He'll help you get your head on straight no matter your intelligence, status, or abilities.
Thanks cowboy for reminding me of God's grace.
I've been thinking quite a bit about the phrase used often in business, academics, sports, music, politics, etc. "Raising the bar." This is a cliche' used figuritively to represent the fact that someone has reached a level in one of the above mentioned catagories not reached before. "She really raised the bar with her sales this month." It implies that those coming after will have to at least reach that level, if not move it higher. I've used the phrase myself after watching certain incredible feats.
Lately I've seen this phrase come into the church. This is a troubling concept to me. I guess in many ways the concept has been there for as long as I can remember. We've used the descriptors, "Great man of faith," "Incredible woman of God," "Mighty Man of God," to describe individuals we see as having a achieved some "status" in their journey. These have been very acceptable titles to those of us in the faith community. They sound righteous, and noble. They imply a level of spirituallity only a few chosen people can or have reached.
Lulled by these "titles", I guess it took actually hearing the words "raise the bar", in the context of a friends christian walk to get my attention. A great deal of my thinking has been captured by the fact that this concept has creeped into the church to the point that we now embrace it even in its rawest and most blatant terms.
I'm not one of those guys who says we can have nothing in Christianity that resembles "the world". I also admit to being a very competitive individual. I hate to lose. My grandfather taught us, a good loser is just that, a loser. Infact he was famous for changing the rules in the middle of a game if he was losing. We affectionately called these the "D.G. Council rules." However, it seems to me that Jesus himself, and several of the New Testament writers had a different concept altogether.
For centuries "the bar" had been the law, given by God, handed down by Moses, reinvented, added to, reworked, and harshly enforced by the Pharisees. Jesus, the juxtaposition to the Pharisees, came to deal with "the bar" once and for all (Heb. 7:27, 9:12). He did so by placing it so high no one can reach it on their own. (Eph. 2)
It is interesting to me that rather than boasting in their own spirituallity, or bragging on one another, the authors of the New Testament not only down played their lives, but were almost insulting. Paul called his own righteousness dung in one place and filthy rags in another.
In I Corinthians 1, he reminded the leaders that they were not wise, mighty or noble, but foolish, weak, and despised. He went on to explain that God chose them to show His greatness, His power, His grace, not ours.
It is a scary thing when we challenge one another to look to another person and attempt to live according to their standards. Peter tried that with Jesus. He said, "What about John?" Jesus' reply was classic, "What about him? It's none of your business." Paul said, no man could judge him, only God. It scares me when young believers are challenged by well meaning older believers to "strive to be like so and so", or live up to the standards others have set. We are only setting them up for failure. Jesus put the bar in a place we could not reach it so that we would have to rely on His grace.
God deals with us as individuals with individual journeys, individual calls, individual pasts, presents, and futures. He does not rank us against one another. He only looks for the presence of the covering of grace of His son. He does not look on the pastor of a mega church and rank him over the bivocational pastor of a small rural church. God does not rank the person who has followed him for 80 years over the one who has followed him a week. We are all special to him as individuals.
Following Christ is not a competition. It's not a race to be first, best, highest, most favored, most righteous, most church attendance, most accomplished, most read, most followed, most listened to, most anything. It's not a golf score to have the lowest total sins, lowest wrong choices, fewest unsaved friends, fewest years of unbelief. History (including current history) is littered with men and women who "achieved greatness in the Kingdom," but fell hard because they saw the Kingdom through the eyes of a competitor.
Following Christ is just that. Following. Following is accepting. Accepting His grace in our lives and the lives of others as sufficient. Accepting his call as adequate. Accepting his work as complete. It's not about achieving, it's about accepting.
Last week Alisa was in Texas at a Cowboy Church. 80% of the people are not just from unchurched backgrounds, but plain ole heathen backgrounds. However, they've found and accepted the grace of God for themselves and their fellow followers. One man during a testimony time seemed to wrap up the gospel in a 3 point nutshell. He was an old leathered cowboy, who still had whiskey on his breath. He stood before the congregation on a make shift plywood floor under a big tent next to a roping arena. Tears filled his eyes as he said, "The first time I came here the pastor told me God loved me. The second time I came here the pastor told me I could belong, The third time I came, the pastor told me to get my my head out of my ____ you dumb ___ __ ____ __ _____." The pastor explained, that was the Cowboy's interpretation of what had been said, not an exact quote. You can imagine the reaction of some of the "competitors" in the crowd.
I think it may be one of the most incredible testimonies I've ever heard.
If I were to use this as my outline, It would sound something like this. God loves you so much, he allowed his son to take the punishment you deserve for the way you live (past, present and future). He loved you so much that he wanted you to belong to him and his group of followers who will love and support you on your journey. Now it's up to you to recognize that it's a very simple thing to accept his grace for your life. He'll help you get your head on straight no matter your intelligence, status, or abilities.
Thanks cowboy for reminding me of God's grace.
Monday, September 22, 2008
ARK
Acts of Random Kindness
It's been quite a crazy few days. After numerous complications Alisa finally made it to Texas and is working with the RC Team doing disaster response work.
Things have been crazy at home getting the kids where they need to go, keeping up with the laundry, house cleaning, meals and trying to study. (Don't know how single parents do it?)
I have class today @ 1:30. I arrived at McAlister's Deli around noon to have one of their incredible pot roast spuds, and study using their wireless internet. Studying has been a challenge all weekend long, my mind has just not "been there". Too many other things happening at once.
I now had some time to just dive in, (to both the spud and the studying.) I finished my spud, and moved the plate to the other side of the table. A few minutes later a lovely African American lady in a McAlister's shirt came by, looked at me for approval and took the plate away. I didn't give it a second thought.
A little while later, she approached again. She reached for my near empty large glass of sweet tea. When she did not speak but rather looked at me questioningly, and made a little noise, I realized that she was deaf & mute. Taken by surprise, I nodded for more. She pulled out a little pad from her pocket. Written on a wrinkled page were the words "sweet or unsweet." I pointed to the sweet. As she walked away, I pondered the encounter. Years ago as a teenager, I took a course in sign language. Later my skills were expanded a little with a friend and collegue I was on staff with at a church. However, it had been years since I had used sign.
I had only seconds to decide if I should give it a try. My vocabulary was rusty, and I decided to use the word sweet as an opening to communicate with her. When she returned, I began to sign, "I know a little sign, but what is 'sweet'". Her face suddenly beamed with shock and pleasure. She smiled widely. Her response let me know that placing my hand to my lips and directing it down was the correct sign for sweet. Then she asked me with quick hands, where I learned to sign. I explained half signing half finger spelling (drat my old mind) that I had learned as a boy.
She beamed again. She started to walk off, but turned back to me and with a huge smile, gave me the sign for "thank you". It was my turn to beam.
Often I get so busy doing life, I forget to live life. Part of living life involves those little moments some call "devine appointments." Times when God wants to use us to act randomly with grace and kindness to impact in small and large ways, people he puts in our path.
I have a new perspective as I get ready to leave and head to class. I feel a bit lighter. It's a good feeling to make someone else's day!
Kell
It's been quite a crazy few days. After numerous complications Alisa finally made it to Texas and is working with the RC Team doing disaster response work.
Things have been crazy at home getting the kids where they need to go, keeping up with the laundry, house cleaning, meals and trying to study. (Don't know how single parents do it?)
I have class today @ 1:30. I arrived at McAlister's Deli around noon to have one of their incredible pot roast spuds, and study using their wireless internet. Studying has been a challenge all weekend long, my mind has just not "been there". Too many other things happening at once.
I now had some time to just dive in, (to both the spud and the studying.) I finished my spud, and moved the plate to the other side of the table. A few minutes later a lovely African American lady in a McAlister's shirt came by, looked at me for approval and took the plate away. I didn't give it a second thought.
A little while later, she approached again. She reached for my near empty large glass of sweet tea. When she did not speak but rather looked at me questioningly, and made a little noise, I realized that she was deaf & mute. Taken by surprise, I nodded for more. She pulled out a little pad from her pocket. Written on a wrinkled page were the words "sweet or unsweet." I pointed to the sweet. As she walked away, I pondered the encounter. Years ago as a teenager, I took a course in sign language. Later my skills were expanded a little with a friend and collegue I was on staff with at a church. However, it had been years since I had used sign.
I had only seconds to decide if I should give it a try. My vocabulary was rusty, and I decided to use the word sweet as an opening to communicate with her. When she returned, I began to sign, "I know a little sign, but what is 'sweet'". Her face suddenly beamed with shock and pleasure. She smiled widely. Her response let me know that placing my hand to my lips and directing it down was the correct sign for sweet. Then she asked me with quick hands, where I learned to sign. I explained half signing half finger spelling (drat my old mind) that I had learned as a boy.
She beamed again. She started to walk off, but turned back to me and with a huge smile, gave me the sign for "thank you". It was my turn to beam.
Often I get so busy doing life, I forget to live life. Part of living life involves those little moments some call "devine appointments." Times when God wants to use us to act randomly with grace and kindness to impact in small and large ways, people he puts in our path.
I have a new perspective as I get ready to leave and head to class. I feel a bit lighter. It's a good feeling to make someone else's day!
Kell
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Shepherds Bear Shepherds
Shepherds Bear Shepherds
The day after father’s day 2005, my maternal grandfather, Rev. D.G. Council passed away. He was preceded in death by my paternal grandfather, Rev. Harold Ward in 1982.
Both of these men were ordained pastors. Both pastored churches in rural areas of Texas. Both were successful in growing their churches to over 400. Both were extremely missions minded and led their churches to generous missions programs. Both had children who followed them in ministry. Both had grandchildren and now great grandchildren who are following them in ministry.
After watching the phenomenon of generational pastors my dad coined a phrase, “Shepherds bear shepherds.”
I was only 14 in 1982 and did not participate in my grandfather Ward’s funeral. (Other than commanding a Royal Ranger Color Guard) However, having been in ministry for 20 years, I was invited to represent the family during the funeral of my grandfather Council.
I shared personal and family memories with the crowd of hundreds gathered at First Assembly in the rural community of Kaufman, Texas where he pastored over 50 years. It was obvious that he had impacted the lives of many people. Included in the crowd were scores of pastors, missionaries, and other ministers. I asked for the ministers present that day who had filled my grandfather’s pulpit to please stand. Dozens’ of men and women stood across the building. I then shared my grandfather’s philosophy of ministry. He believed in having an open pulpit to men and women who were learning ministry. Numerous bible college students preached their first or one of their first sermons in that pulpit. His youth pastors and associate pastors through the years were given the Sunday night service every week to learn and gain experience in pulpit ministry.
My grandfather Ward had the same philosophy. He pastored 39 years in Lufkin, Texas. His pulpit was open to Bible College and Berean students and other young ministers.
When I began traveling as a missionary, I called a pastor in Oklahoma to see if he had an evangelist quarters I could stay in on a trip from Texas to Springfield. He shared this with me, “When I was a young minister your grandfather allowed me to fill his pulpit many times. We also knew that if we were traveling anywhere close to Lufkin, we could contact your grandfather and he would give us a place to stay. We knew he would also take us for at least a hamburger and sometimes a steak dinner.” He went on to explain that he owed my grandfather a debt he could not repay to him because of his untimely death. However, anytime I was coming through he would provide for me a hotel room and a meal in order to pay my grandfather back through me.
I believe the generational philosophy of these men went beyond family ties. Not only did these men bear physical shepherds through 3 generations, but spiritual sons and daughters into the ministry.
As pastors today we have an opportunity to participate in the incredible ministry of bearing shepherds...spiritual sons and daughters. It is risky to allow young men and women who are learning and developing to fill your pulpit. It takes time and resources to be available to young ministers. I believe however, the rewards far outweigh the risks and investments.
Recently I was visiting with a veteran missionary friend who had never met my grandfather Council. I related a story about my grandfathers dealings with an associate pastor several decades ago. As I shared the story, the face of this four term missionary to Africa brightened. He snapped his finger and said, “That’s where he learned it!” He explained that he had worked as a young associate under the man who had been my grandfather’s associate. The things I shared with him about my grandfather were the same things that his pastor had shared with him years later. Unknowingly we both shared the same “spiritual grandfather.” The generational impact of bearing shepherds went beyond physical through the Spirit. The effects of paying forward now stretch not only over the United States, but foreign lands as well.
Our universities and churches are full of young men and women who will only gain experience with the help of pastors and churches who see the ministry opportunity available to host these young people in their churches.
As a young man I recall the high praise and encouragement of dear saints who had just endured my stumbling, fumbling, and stuttering through a message. Today as Alisa and I stand in pulpits across America and share the ministry of Rural Compassion to compel support and prayer for U.S. Missions, those pastors and individuals stand with us. As we distribute shoes, clothes, food, and other supplies to needy families we are the hands of those pastors and dear saints extended.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
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